DON'T BE AFRAID TO FOLLOW YOUR FEAR

We commonly look at fear as an obstacle that prevents us from actualizing the life of our dreams. We’ve been told that fear is the opposite of love, and living fearlessly is an ideal that we are encouraged to embrace. In over twenty-five years in law enforcement, however, I have learned the value of fear. More often than not, I've witnessed instances when a person's instinctual sense of fear prevented a more serious outcome.

By discovering our fear’s origin and purpose, we can evaluate whether it’s serving or hindering us. Armed with that basic information, we will be able to identify the positive role fear can play in our lives.

Fear is an important, instinctual survival mechanism that can lead us in the direction of our higher selves; only by honoring our fears and respectfully analyzing their value can we achieve new understanding and advance the practice of loving self-care.

It is important to “check in” with ourselves occasionally and learn to separate baseless fears from our inner intuitive guidance system. In this way we can examine the message our fear is conveying and learn ways to ascertain its validity. By learning to trust our “gut feelings,” intuitive signals, and internal data processing, we will recognize when fear is realistic as opposed to a limiting belief or a groundless message we’ve internalized from our early years.

When we practice various relaxation techniques, we can lovingly approach our fear and gain new understanding. From this safe place we can ask, “What am I afraid of?” Only when we understand the fear can we ascertain its true purpose (and be able to express healthy gratitude for the fear when appropriate).

We can demystify fear’s message by deciphering and listening to it; we eliminate fear’s negative power by taking concrete steps to understand the genesis and purpose of the fear. Gut feelings, intuitive signals, and processing existing data contain a more powerful message than phobias and the mixed messages they bring with them. The first step in harnessing fear’s power lies in our being able to tell the difference.

Journaling is a viable technique. As we write about the various ways in which fear guides us, we learn about a third alternative to the “fight or flight” mechanism. When we heed the intuitive discernment carried within our fear, we can separate our emotions from our instincts. Our valid concerns can then be honored and separated from our baseless anxieties. And only when we understand the strength inherent in fear can we be fully empowered as our own best advocate.

In my work with clients--understanding personal experiences and examining the results of guided meditation--we develop individual techniques for challenging or honoring fears, as warranted.

Fear can be power. Through practice we can learn to trust and rely on our ability to discern real threats from faulty perceptions or the paralysis induced by not challenging our sometimes limiting beliefs. Enormous breakthroughs are possible when we recognize and realize the potential and practical applications of fear. Understanding the personal message of our own “fear factor” provides us with an additional avenue of breakthrough in our lives. Fear is a formidable tool in our creative arsenal.

IS THERE SUCH A THING AS TOO MANY OPTIONS?

How many times have we heard the expression “Keep your options open”? Or similarly, “Don’t burn any bridges”? At times in our lives, having too many options prevents us from moving forward in a chosen area. And burning a bridge or two can ensure we keep our focus on the present moment, rather than looking longingly at a past that no longer serves us.

There are occasions when the only way to guarantee success is when retreat is no longer an option. In the third century B.C. a Chinese general led his troops across the Yangtze River into enemy territory. Once there he burned their ships as a way to force them to move forward, eliminating the option of retreat. In so doing he guaranteed the success of the mission.

On an emotional level, the thought of having options can be comforting. It can also be a way of inhibiting our growth and fulfillment. When John (not his real name) started a new business venture, he did so while still employed full-time (a sensible choice at the time, since he needed his salary and benefits for his growing family). After a few years, though, his business stagnated. It never took off nor developed to the point where he could leave his job and devote himself to his business full-time. In our coaching sessions, it became apparent to John that he would have to devote himself to the growth of his business if he wanted it to reach the level that he knew it could. John realized that the time he spent at his full-time job was limiting his ability to bring his new business to the next level of success.

After establishing a series of small goals that would enable him to take the step of leaving his full-time job, John made great strides in the development of his company. He had been so busy using his job as a crutch of sorts (which gave him security) that he completely lost sight of how it was draining his ability to devote the necessary time and energy to his business. Once he retired from his job, he attained the success he’d dreamt of for so long.

It is important to examine the areas in our own lives that are being stilted and held back by our desire to “keep our options open.” After all, sometimes in life we need to identify an important mission and devote much of ourselves to its achievement. It’s difficult to open our arms to embrace the lives we want when we’ve already got our hands full sustaining the lives we have.

CH-CH-CH-CH-CHANGES

There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~ Anais Nin

It happens to the best of us. One minute we’re cruising along the highway of life, listening to some tunes and enjoying the ride, comfortable in the knowledge that we know exactly where we’re heading. When suddenly, there’s a detour up ahead we hadn’t anticipated. We feel a formless anxiety build as we find ourselves in unfamiliar territory without a GPS device. There are no signposts up ahead, no recognizable landmarks. As we struggle to figure out which way to turn, we feel as if we have been cast adrift in a sea of uncertainty.

This is what it can feel like when a sudden change hijacks our lives. Everything we know, all that we are accustomed to, seems different. Sometimes, in the case of a career or a relationship this change can be overwhelming. While change can be uncomfortable, it is inevitable. From the moment we’re born life is a series of changes. Often, from the limited viewpoint we have prior to the change, this can seem daunting and undesirable, but when we look at the effects of change in retrospect, the benefits become clear.

If you had the ability, as a baby in utero, to know that the experience of childbirth is like, you might never choose to be born. Think about it. You’re in a warm sac, floating in a liquid cushion, almost weightless. Your nourishment is provided through the umbilical cord, as is all the oxygen you need to survive. You are never hungry and you don’t even have to breathe for yourself. You are never cold and it is always dark and peaceful. The only sounds filtering through are muffled by the womb environment.

Contrast that with what we know of the birth experience and it must all be pretty overwhelming. Suddenly there’s this extraordinary pressure, pushing you downward. The liquid cushion you’ve been floating in for months bursts, and you feel squeezed and constricted. There is discomfort and confusion; what is happening?

Finally after hours and hours of this, sometimes over a day of the birthing process, you emerge. Born into a cold, stark delivery room, the bright lights hurt your eyes and the cold air makes you shiver. People are pulling at you, suctioning your mouth and rubbing you down briskly. They put ointment in your eyes and prick you with a sharp needle for the blood test. Now it’s a different world. Your food isn’t provided automatically, you need to cry to let people know when you’re hungry or thirsty or when you need changing. If you feel pain and discomfort you alert others by crying and hope that they’ll be able to figure out what’s wrong.

With the limited understanding you possessed in the womb, no one would blame you if you chose not to be born, but then think of what you’d be missing. Change is often hard and scary but can also be the start of a wonderful, new adventure, the beginning of a life that surpasses all your dreams. Go for it!

THE RIPPLE EFFECT

“Do not be too timid or squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

One day I watched a seagull soaring above a nearby bay. The bird glided high and swooped downward as it dropped something into the still, glistening water. There was a large splash as the water swallowed the object. Ripples spread out in an ever-widening circle. A single splash had become the center of a disturbance that reached farther and farther outward.

After a moment, nothing remained at the point of impact but calm glassiness. It appeared as if nothing had happened there, as if nothing had disturbed the tranquility.

But something did happen. The ripples caused by the object landing in the water continued to radiate outward in larger and larger circles, one after the other, ruffling the water’s surface as they spread out in every direction.

This image reminded me of our potential as leaders and protagonists of growth. At times we seem to have little impact. We may feel that we have somehow missed the mark and are not having the desired effect on those we’re trying to reach. We may believe that our attempts to create change and make a difference have failed -- almost as if they’d been swallowed up and disappeared. The only reaction seems to be silent stillness with no discernible impact.

At times like this, we must keep in mind that, from our vantage point, we cannot always see the ripples emanating from our acts. The ultimate effect we have on others, what happens well after we make our initial “splash,” is beyond our comprehension. Our efforts and our deeds generate ripples that multiply themselves and continue outward long after we have extended ourselves.
-- Deborah Avery